Addictive behaviors and destructive actions have ruled my life from childhood right up until this day. Being that they are addictive and destructive, they have addicted me and destroyed me. Until now.
As I begin to rise above my demons, I feel extremely passionate about embarking on a journey of self discovery for myself..and in the process, to help others combat addictive behavior.
Some of us who struggle with addictive behaviors are in our own private hell. Most who have not been there cannot fathom the plight of the mortal souls who are brought to their knees by these addictions. We are percieved as broken and "no good" and have sheer emptiness inside.
Most don't understand that you crave the substance, whether it be food, drugs, alcohol or any other thing, but that doesn't mean you don't love your family.
If we had a choice, of course we would all choose love over addiction to a thing like drugs or alcohol. But it isn't a choice for those of us who have fallen by the wayside. A lot of us, however, confuse love on so many levels with our beliefs due to how we were raised and have internalized that.
I can get stuck, on my worst days, and look in the mirror and see a monster.
The person who views me may see my beauty on the outside for me I am learning that beauty comes from within.
I am fortunate that I have recently decided to surround myself with positive people. Because of that, positive energy flows to me and I can take baby steps to slowly learn to like myself.
Once I did that, I did not need the food, the drugs or the alcohol to give me what I need. I got those things from the people who now give me what I need. I am not perfect and I still screw up from time to time, but because of the friends I now have I am able to keep going and make my life work.
Every day is a battle, but I am now winning the battle.
So I say: Can you help me? The answer is: You already have...
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